So...where did the last three years of college go? How am I suddenly a junior/almost senior? It's like I sneezed and BAM! here I am. I can officially see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it scares the hell out of me. I do not feel mature enough to enter the "real" world, to take on daily life and get a "grown up" job like my parents. My parents and other adults have always seemed so untouchable in their sphere of existence. I felt as though I would wake up one day and just feel it. You know, that feeling you get that tells you that you are legitimately an adult. Now I don't believe that exists. It's like on your 16th birthday; you expect to feel some magically empowering sensation alerting you to the fact that you are now eligible to drive. Or perhaps at 18, the feeling of responsibility and getting out on your own at college should sweep you off of your feet...right? Not so. I have never felt any different. My 16th birthday was just like any other day, as was my 18th birthday. I felt the same as an 18 year old as I did as a 17 year old.
And now as the final year of my undergraduate looms before me, I wonder as to my next step. I had always planned up until this point. But what now? Once I graduate, am I suppose to just find a job, get married and settle into life? This unsettles me. It doesn't feel right to me yet to stop my schooling. I have always been in school. My earliest memories at four or five-I'm in school. School has been as integral to my life as breathing, or perhaps eating. Take that away...and what do I do? So the option of graduate school has come up once or twice in these last three months. I know what I would go to graduate school for-I just don't know. I mean, if I feel this way now, who is to say that once I finish grad school, I wont still feel that way. After grad school there is nothing left. I have exhausted all of my school options. So yeah, scariness. Things to think on extensively, to be sure.
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